Probability

  • A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a true/false test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The statistics professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin ... writing the answer ... flipping the coin ... writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had finished the exam and left the room except for that lone student. The professor walked over and said, "Listen, I see that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even look at the exam questions. If you are just flipping a coin for your answers, what in the world is taking you so long?"
    Still flipping the coin, the student replied "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"

  • How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    1.96, normally.

    Jackie Miller

  • After sitting through the twenty-third example about playing cards in his probability class, the student raised his hand to complain: "Professor, all this talk makes me feel like I'm turning into a deck of cards."
    The professor turned to the student and replied, "Be patient and I'll deal with you later."

  • A visitor to physicist Niels Bohr's country cottage, noticing a horseshoe hanging on the wall, teased the eminent scientist about this ancient superstition. "Can it be true that you, of all people, believe it will bring you luck?"
    "Of course not," replied Bohr, "but I understand it brings you luck whether you believe it or not."

  • The larger the sample size (n) the more confident you can be that your sample mean is a good representation of the population mean. In other words, the "n" justifies the means.

  • A Bayesian and a Frequentist were to be executed. The judge asked them what were their last wishes. The Bayesian replied that he would like to give the Frequentist one more lecture. The judge granted the Bayesian's wish and then turned to the Frequentist for his last wish. The Frequentist quickly responded that he wished to hear the lecture again and again and again and again...

    Xiao-Li Meng

  • He was the top student in the asymptotics course but wasn't conceited about it. After all, he knew his limits.

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