General

  • Lyrics copyright by Michael Posner
    May be sung to the tune of "Cooler Than Me" (Mike Posner)

    If I could take me a course,
    that I would really love,
    I would've already chosen stats just because,
    It teaches skills for life,
    that everybody needs,
    and you probably know,
    Stats can be cool you see.

    There's data everywhere,
    that can hide or reveal,
    you've got to understand them,
    stats can be cool you see
    You design and collect,
    and then you analyze,
    it's probably cause,
    stats can be cool you see

    You got to work hard,
    and think on your feet,
    with confounders abound,
    masking relationships.
    And you gotta know,
    when samples you pick,
    you...do...it...randomly.

    I got it,
    all figured out,
    you gotta take this course and you'll seem smart.
    Behind that black box
    nobody knows...what they do
    But now you do.

    If I could take me a course,
    that I would really love,
    I would've already chosen stats just because,
    It teaches skills for life,
    that everybody needs,
    and you probably know,
    Stats can be cool you see.

    The population mean,
    is what you'll estimate,
    but it can't be observed,
    it's a mystery.
    But say with confidence,
    it's within margin of E,
    of the sample mean,
    stats can be cool you see.

    You test hypotheses,
    when inference you need,
    to get your p-value and make decisions.
    But you don't know
    if the error you'll make,
    Is...type...I...or...II.

    I got it,
    all figured out,
    you need to know the assumptions of each test.
    When you got that,
    A statistician... is who you are
    I know you are.

    'Cause it sure seems
    (it sure seems)
    Data's all around
    (all around)
    with statistics
    (statistics)
    You got this all figured out
    (out, out, out)

    If I could take me a course,
    that I would really love,
    I would've already chosen stats just because,
    It teaches skills for life,
    that everybody needs,
    and you probably know,
    Stats can be cool you see.

    You design your graphs,
    just to visualize,
    and you show them around
    stats can be cool you see.
    Correlation, Causality,
    You remember their names,
    its probably cuz,
    stats can be cool you see.

  • Lyric © 2013 Lawrence M. Lesser
    May be sung to the tune of "Beat It!" (Michael Jackson)

    They told him, don't just add the regression errors here:
    The plus and minus cancel and they disappear.
    So make each error positive, make it really clear--
    Just square it, just square it!
    Absolute value doesn't make me a fan:
    A line it gives is not unique, ya understand?
    And that is real tough for a software command,
    So square it, you want to so bad:

    Just square it (square it), square it (square it):
    Get a better line of best fit!
    It's the least you can do to get the best line,
    It really matters how you're inclined:
    Just square it (square it), square it (square it),
    Just square it (square it), square it (square it)

    Oooh! Markov and Gauss, you know that each was the man,
    Showed squaring errors made a better plan.
    They talked 'til they were BLUE 'bout their theorem so grand,
    So square it, just square it.
    Oooh! Well now we know to minimize residuals squared
    'Cause other estimators really can't compare:
    The coefficients' estimates are most precise there,
    So square it, you want to so bad:

    Just square it (square it), square it (square it):
    Now derivatives can bear it!
    It's the least you can do to get the best line,
    It really matters how you're inclined:
    Just square it (square it), square it (square it),
    Just square it (square it), square it (square it)

  • Lyric © 2013 Lawrence M. Lesser
    may be sung to the tune of "Walkin in Memphis" (Marc Cohn)

    Took all this college math — math that they call pure.
    I thought I'd do a lot with it, but now I'm just not sure.
    Sir Ronald A. Fisher, won't you look down over me:
    What class can I take now that will set my thinking free?
    Then I was doin' statistics — I was workin' with numbers I could see!
    Doin' statistics — now I really feel I found my field!

    Learned of randomizing and hypothesis testing, too—
    All around me, illuminating polls and studies in the news.
    I really loved the challenge; it was a fun kind of hard.
    Loved the variety to play in everybody's yard!
    I was doin' statistics — I was workin' with data I could see:
    Doin' statistics — now I really feel I found my field!

    They've got all these big computers
    For big data in the air
    Reverend Bayes will be glad to see you
    When you haven't got a prior!
    Boy, you've got a prior for statistics!

    Muriel's tasting tea and Student's brewing up some beer;
    George Gallup and Nate Silver made elections clear.
    What Billy Beane did for baseball, how Pandora finds tunes I like:
    You say, "Tell me, are you a Bayesian?" I say, "Man, I am tonight!"
    I was doin' statistics — I was workin' with data I could see
    Doin' statistics — more degrees of feelin' free!

    So glad I found my path, a career with such allure:
    Maybe the best part is I never have to say I'm sure!
    Maybe the best part is I can quantify how I'm unsure...

  • Lyrics © 2015 Lawrence Mark Lesser
    may sing to the tune of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (Nirvana)

    Those anecdotes of all your friends
    Will make you lose if you depend:
    You cannot be so self-assured
    With an alpha of one-third!

    CHORUS:
    Hello hello hello how low
    Hello hello hello how low
    Hello hello hello how low
    Hello hello hello.
    Without data, it's more dangerous:
    I would be an ignoramus!
    See the skewness, correlate this!
    I need data to explain this:
    A priori, it's Pareto, Bonferroni,
    A placebo, yeah! hey!

    With data, I do a test:
    p-value found, p-value blessed.
    A little group the sample's been:
    I always want a bigger n.

    (Repeat Chorus, except last 2 lines)

    Simulation, variation, estimation, imputation,
    A new trial, a new trial, a new trial, a new trial, a new trial.

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